Wow I can't believe it's been 8 months since my last post.  I've finished chemo, my hair is growing back--silvery grey with some dark undertones and think and some curl to it.  I went back to work in December after having another surgery in October to have the permanent breast implants put in, the pinched nerve in left arm repaired and the left carpal tunnel repaired again (it had been over 15 yrs).  I still had pain and some numbness in my fingers but I worked through it,  I started on Anastrozaol the generic and it caused do many side effects I came off it after 4 weeks and after about 6 weeks I went on the brand name Arimidex and so far am doing well with  it.  Work is challenging, chemo brain is real and I have trouble at time concentrating and staying on task.  Typing can be an issue. Remembering things in and out of work is a real issue.  If I don't write it down...... They just got me a sit to stand desk due to joint pains I have in my hips and shoulders. It helps a lot

I have a new grandson !!  Lukas Orion was born November 30th.  He's adorable.  I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, we've had so many storms and driving through the Berkshire Mtns isn't fun during the winter.  Jim finally got to meet him yesterday.  We took Easter baskets out for all the kids and I brought things out that I had saved in my cedar chest that were Robs for Orion.  Clothes I saved, things my mom made, even a pair of homemade slippers my great grandmother made for him.

Family--my brother Scott died this past Monday night, he had the same polycystic kidney disease my mom had.  He had been on dialysis for quite a few years, had circulation issues, heart complications....wasn't in good health at all.  As my other brother Tim said a few moths ago "He has 9 lives and he's already outlived 10 of them"  Anyways he was my brother as such I did love him, I never turned him down when he needed my help, did dressing changes for him, transportation, etc. But there's been bad blood between us, actually between him and the rest of us since my dad died, 9 years ago.  With me it started with him the day after dad died.  We were at the house trying to salvage what we could from the fire.  I took my moms jewelry boxes because by rights they should go my sister and me.  He came over about an hour later and demanded them back said he would hand out the jewelry as executer.  We never saw it again. We thought he wanted it to give it this bimbo girlfriend who never knew my mom!  Then because my mom had been cremated and dad couldn't part with her ashes, understandable, but she wanted to be spread on her favorite beach in Maine, my sister and I asked for them so we could it, he said he was going to bury them with dad, so we begged for half of them.  He wouldn't even let us have that.  He got his way.  As he was emptying the house he just threw everything he didn't want into a dumpster, didn't ask if anyone else wanted it.  My Nana's crystal, clothes, my mom's wedding dress, lots of sentimental items.  He did let us go through what was left of the Christmas stuff in the basement but nothing in the actual house.  My brother Tim actually got me my child's rocking chair, the gate leg table (mine from the will) and my antique desk in the basement that I had been working on refinishing though the drop top is missing.  So far all these years I've spoken to him when necessary, done what he's needed, but haven't gone out of my way for him and especially not for her.  She has never come to any family gatherings, not that there's been many.  So in the ER Monday night there was her, Tim and me--when the doctor came in to tell us we had a choice to make, put him a ventilator or stop CPR and let him go. Tim and decided to stop because he wasn't healthy enough to ever come off the vent.  NY doesn't recognize common law even though they've been together about 27 years.  She was a basket case!  She did love him I suppose in her own way, but as far as I'm concerned he was her gravy train,  she now has house that's paid for, if she doesn't lose it to taxes, but she can sell it.  That was the house my dad build, we grew up in...He supported her she hasn't worked since right after they met due to one hypochondriac ailment after another.  At the funeral home making arrangements if I hadn't said something about my parents taking policies out on us kids when were children I wouldn't have known Scott still had his and the 3 of would have had to figure out a way to pay for this since she wasn't offering up anything but said something about it so I looked into it and found that it's enough to pay and get her some extra.  So since he's being cremated also Claire at the funeral home said after the service she would hand me the ashes.  DJ called me later crying asking if I was going to keep them.  I assured I didn't want them she could have them to do what ever she wanted with them.. We've since had a long talk face to face.  Seems Scott was telling 2 different stories. One to her and one to us.  He told he we didn't like and she couldn't come to any family gatherings, he would always tell us she was sick.  Told her neither Kelly or I wanted the jewelry boxes.  She has been looking for pictures for the funeral home and found boxes of things photo albums, important documents, etc that I've been picking up to go through.  She has only asked that anything that belongs to Scott I return and I agreed.  The rest will go to my sister and brother and myself. We will never be best buddies but at least I don't hate her like I did knowing he caused a lot of this.  I wish I knew why.  My mom didn't raise us like this, and I know when he got to Heaven she hugged and kissed him and then gave him a ration of shi# as only a mom can do!! 

Happy Easter Everyone